When the Lion Feeds Read online

  Lying on his side Garrick drew his legs up against his chest, his body was curled. Once as a brutal small boy he had cracked the shell of a hermit crab. Its soft fat abdomen was so vulnerable that its vitals showed through the transparent skin.

  It curled its body into the same defensive attitude.

  I reckon you’ll get your gong, said the Cockney. Yes, said Garrick. He didn’t want it. He wanted Sean back.

  Doctor Van Rooyen gave Ada Courtney his arm as she stepped down from the buggy. In fifty years he had not obtained immunity from other people’s sorrow. He had learned only to conceal it: no trace of it in his eyes, or his mouth, or his lined and whiskered face. He’s well, Ada. They did a good job on his arm: that is, for military surgeons. It will set straight. When did they arrive? asked Ada. About four hours ago.

  They sent all the Lady-burg wounded back in two wagons. Ada nodded, and he looked at her with the professional shield of indifference, hiding the shock he felt at the change in her appearance. Her skin was as dry and lifeless as the petals of a pressed flower, her mouth had set determinedly against her grief and her widow’s weeds had doubled her age. He’s waiting for you inside. They walked up the steps of the church and the small crowd opened to let them pass. There were subdued greetings for Ada and the usual funereal platitudes. There were other women there wearing black, with swollen eyes.

  Ada and the doctor went into the cool gloom of the church. The pews had been pushed against the wall to make room for the mattresses. Women were moving about between them and men lay on them. I’m keeping the bad ones here, where I can watch them, the doctor told her. There’s Garry.

  Garrick stood up from the bench on which he was sitting. His arm was slung awkwardly across his chest. He limped forward to meet them, his peg tapped loudly on the stone floor. Ma, I’m he stopped. Sean and Pa I’ve come to take you home, Garry. Ada spoke quickly, flinching at the sound of those two names. They can’t just let them lie out there, they shouldPlease, Garry.

  Let’s go home, said Ada. We can talk about it later. We are all very proud of Garry, said the doctor. Yes, said Ada. Please, let’s go home, Garry.

  She could feel it there just below the surface and she held it in: so much sorrow confined in so small a place. She turned back towards the door, she mustn’t let them see it. She mustn’t cry here in front of them, she must get back to out to the buggy and Ada took the reins.

  Neither of them spoke again until they crossed the ridge and looked down at the homestead. You’re the master of Theunis Kraal now, Garry, said Ada softly and Garrick stiffed uneasily on the seat beside her. He didn’t want it, he didn’t want the medal. He wanted Sean.

  Theunis Kraal.

  Willing hands carried Garrick, hope you don’t mind me coming, said Anna, but I had to talk to you. No. I’m glad you did. Truly I’m glad, Garrick assured her earnestly. It’s so good to see you again, Anna. It feels like forever since we left. I know, and so much, so much has happened. My Pa and yours. And, and Sean. She stopped. Oh, Garry, I just can’t believe it yet. They’ve told me and told me but I can’t believe it. He was so, so alive. Yes said Garrick, he was so alive. He talked about dying the night before he left. I hadn’t even thought about it until then. Anna shook her head in disbelief, and I never dreamed it could happen to him.

  Oh, Garry, what am I going to do? Garrick turned and looked at Anna. The AnnA he loved, Sean’s Anna. But Sean was dead. He felt an idea move within him, not yet formed in words, but real enough to cause a sick spasm of conscience. He shied away from it.

  Oh, Garry. What can I do? She was asking for help, the appeal was apparent in her voice. Her father killed at Isandhlwana, her elder brothers still with Chelmsford at Tugela, her mother and the three small children to feed. How blind of him not to see it! Anna, can I help you? just tell me. No, Garry.

  I don’t think anyone can. If it’s money -’He hesitated discreetly. I’m a rich man now. Pa left the whole of Theunis Kraal to Sean and 1, and Sean isn’t, I She looked at him without answering. I can lend you some to tide you over blushed Garrick, as much as you need. She went on staring at him while her mind adjusted itself. Garrick master of Theunis Kraal, he was rich, twice as rich as Sean would have been. And Sean was dead. Please, Anna. Let me help you. I want to, really I do.

  He loved her, it was pathetically obvious, and Sean was dead. You will let me, Anna? She thought of hunger and bare feet, dresses washed until you could see through them when you held them to the light, petticoats patched and cobbled. And always the fear, the uncertainty you must live with when you are poor. Garry was rich and alive, Sean was dead.

  Please tell me you will. Garrick leaned forward and took her arm, he gripped it fiercely in his agitation and she looked into his face. You could see the resemblance, she thought, but Sean had strength where here there was softness and uncertainty. The colour was wrong also, pale sand and paler blue instead of brutal black and indigo. it was as though an artist had taken a portrait and with a few subtle strokes had altered its meaning completely so entirely different picture. She did as to make it into an not want to think about his leg.

  it’s sweet of you, Garry, she said, but we’ve got a little in the bank and the plot is free of debt. We’ve got the horses; we can sell them if we have to. what is it then? Please tell me. She knew then what she was going to do. She could not lie to him, it was too late for that.

  She would have to tell him, but she knew that the truth would not make any difference to him. Well, perhaps a little, but not enough to prevent her getting what she wanted. She wanted to be rich, and she wanted a father for the child she carried within her. Garry, I’m going to have a baby. Garrick’s chin jerked up and his breathing jammed and then started again. A baby? Yes, Garrick. I’m pregnant. Whose? Sean’s? Yes, Garry. I’m going to have Sean’s baby. How do you know, are you sure? I’m sure. Garrick pulled himself out of his chair and limped across the veranda. He stopped against the railing and gripped it with his good hand; the other was still in the sling. His back was turned to Anna and he stared out across the lawns of Theunis Kraal to the lightly-forested slope beyond.

  Sean’s baby. The idea bewildered him. He knew that Sean and Anna did that together. Sean had told him and Garrick had not resented it. He was jealous, but only a little, for Sean had let him share in it by telling him and so some of it had belonged to him also. But a baby.

  Sean’s baby.

  Slowly the full implication came to him. Sean’s baby would be a living part of his brother, the part that had not been cut down by the Zulu blades. He had not completely lost Sean. Anna, she must have a father for her child, it was unthinkable that she could go another month without marrying. He could have both of them, everything he loved in one package. Sean and Anna. She must marry him, she had no other choice. Triumph surged up within him and he turned to her.

  What will you do, Anna? He felt sure of her now. Sean’s dead. What will you do? I don’t know. You can’t have the baby. It would be a bastard. He saw her wince at the word. He felt very certain of her.

  I’ll have to go away, to Port Natal. She spoke without expression in her voice. Looking calmly at him, knowing what he would say, I’ll leave soon, she said, I’ll be all right. I’ll find some way out. Garrick watched her face as she spoke. Her head was small on shoulders wide for a girl, her chin was pointed, her teeth were slightly crooked but white, she was very pretty despite the catlike set of her eyes. I love you, Anna, he said. You know that, don’t you? She nodded slowly and her hair moved darkly on her shoulders. The cat eyes softened contentedly. Yes, I know, Garry. Will you marry me? He said it breathlessly. You don’t mind? You don’t mind about Sean’s baby? she said, knowing he did not. I love you, Anna. He came towards her clumsily and she looked up at his face. She did not want to think about the leg. I love you, nothing else matters. He reached for her and she let him hold her.

  Will you marry me, Anna? He was trembling. Yes. Her hands were quiescent on his shoulders. He sobbed softly and h
er expression changed to one of distaste, she made the beginnings of a movement to push him away but stopped herself. My darling, you won’t regret it. I swear you won’t, she whispered. We must do it quickly, Garry. Yes. I’ll go into town this afternoon and speak to Padre No! Not here in Lady-burg, Anna cut in sharply. People will have too much to say. I couldn’t stand it.

  We’ll go up to Pietermaritzburg, Garrick acquiesced. When, Garry? soon as you like. Tomorrow, she said. We’ll go tomorrow.

  The Cathedral in Pietermaritzburg stands on Church Street. Grey stone with a bell-tower and iron railings between the street and the lawns.

  Pigeons strut puff- kchested on the grass.

  Anna and Garrick went up the paved path and into the semi-dark of the Cathedral. The stained glass window had the sun behind it, making the interior glow weirdly with colour. Because they were both nervous they held hands as they stood in the aisle.

  There’s no one here, whispered Garrick. There must be, Anna whispered back. Try through that door there. What shall I say? Just tell him we want to get married.

  Garrick hesitated. Go on. Anna still whispered, pushing him gently towards the door of the vestry. You come with me, said Garrick. I don’t know what to say. The priest was a thin men with steel-rimmed spectacles. He looked over the top of them at the nervous pair in the doorway and shut the book on the desk in front of him. We want to get married, Garrick said and blushed crimson. Well, said the priest drily, you have the right address.

  come in.

  He was surprised at their haste and they argued a little, then he sent Garrick down to the Magistrates Court for a special licence. He married them, but the ceremony was hollow and unreal. The drone of the priest’s voice was almost lost in the immense cavern of the Cathedral as they stood small and awed before him. Two old ladies who came in to pray stayed on gleefully to witness for them, and afterwards they both kissed Anna and the priest shook Garrick’s hand. Then they went out again into the sunlight. The pigeons still strutted on the lawn and a mule wagon rattled down Church Street with the coloured driver singing and cracking his whip. It was as though nothing had happened.

  We’re married, said Garrick doubtfully. Yes, agreed Anna, but she sounded as though she didn’t believe it either.

  They walked back to the hotel side by side. They didn’t talk or touch each other. Their luggage had been taken up to their room and the horses had been stabled. Garrick signed the register and the clerk grinned at him.

  I’ve put you in Number Twelve, sir, it’s our honeymoon suite. One of his eyelids drooped slightly and Garrick stammered in confusion.

  After dinner, an excellent dinner, Anna went up to the room and Garrick sat on in the lounge drinking coffee. It was almost an hour later that he mustered the courage to follow her. He crossed the drawing-room of their suite, hesitated at the bedroom door then went in. Anna was in bed. She had pulled the bedclothes up to her chin and she looked at him with her inscrutable cat’s eyes. I’ve put your nightshirt in the bathroom, on the table, she said.

  Thank you, said Garrick. He stumbled against a chair as he crossed the room. He closed the door behind him, undressed quickly and leaning naked over the basin splashed water onto his face; then he dried and pulled the nightshirt over his head. He went back into the bedroom: Anna lay with her face turned away from him. Her hair was loose on the pillow, shining in the lamplight.

  Garrick sat on the edge of the chair. He lifted the hem of his nightshirt above his knee and unfastened the straps of his leg, laid, the peg carefully beside the chair and massaged the stump with both hands. It felt stiff. He heard the bed creak softly and he looked up.

  Anna was watching him, staring at his leg. Hurriedly Garrick pulled down his nightshirt to cover the protruding slightly enlarged end with its folded line of scar-tissue. He stood up, balancing, and then hopped one-legged across to the bed. He was blushing again.

  He lifted the edge of the blankets and slipped into the bed and Anna jerked violently away from. him.

  Don’t touch me, she said hoarsely. Anna. Please don’t be scared, I’m pregnant, you mustn’t touch me. I won’t. I swear I won’t. She was breathing hard, making no attempt to hide her revulsion.

  Do you want me to sleep in the drawing-room, Anna? I will if you say so. Yes, she said, I want you to. He gathered his dressing-gown from the chair and stooping picked up his leg. He hopped to the door and turned back to face her. She was watching him still.

  I’m sorry, Anna, I didn’t mean to frighten you She did not answer him and he went on. I love you. I swear I love you more than anything in the world. I wouldn’t hurt you, you know that, don’t you? You know I wouldn’t hurt you? Still she did not answer and he made a small gesture of appeal, the wooden leg clutched in his hand and the tears starting to fill his eyes. Anna. I’d kill myself rather than frighten you! He went quickly through the door and closed it behind him. Anna scrambled out of the bed and with her nightdress flurrying around her legs she ran across the room to the door and turned the key in the lock.

  In the morning Garrick was bewildered to find Anna in a mood of girlish gaiety. She had a green ribbon in her hair and her green frock was faded but pretty. She chattered happily through breakfast and while they were having there coffee she leaned across the table and touched Garrick’s hand.

  What shall we do today, Garry? Garrick looked surprised, he hadn’t thought that far ahead. I suppose we’d better catch the afternoon train back to Lady-burg, he said.

  oh, Garry Anna pouted effectively. Don’t you love me enough to give me a honeymoon? I suppose - Garrick hesitated and then of course, I didn’t think of it He grinned excitedly. Where can we go? We could take the mail boat down the coast to capetown, Anna suggested.

  Yes! Garrick adopted the idea immediately. It’ll be fun. But, Garry - Anna’s eagerness faded. I only have two Old dresses with me. She touched her clothes. Garrick sobered also while he grappled with this new problem.

  Then he found the solution. We’ll buy you some more! Oh, Garry, could we? Could we really? We’ll buy you all you can use, more than you can use.

  Come on, finish your coffee and we’ll go into town and see what they have. I’m finished. Ann, stood up from the table ready to go.

  They had a stateroom on the Dunottax Castle from Port Natal to Capetown.

  There were other young people aboard. Anna, in her elegant new clothing and sparkling with excitement, formed the centrepiece of a gay little group that played deck games, dined, danced and flirted as the mailboat drove south through the sunny, golden days of early autumn.

  At first Garrick was content to stay unobtrusively close to Anna. He was there to hold her coat, fetch a book or carry a rug. He watched her fondly, revelling in her success, hardly jealous when she almost disappeared behind a palisade of attentive young men, not resenting the sofa which formed his uncomfortable bed in the drawing-room of their suite.

  Then gradually there came a realization among their travelling companions that Garrick was paying for most of the refreshments and other little expenses that came up each day. They became aware of him and of the fact that he appeared to be the richest of the group. From there it needed only a small adjustment to their thinking to admit Garrick to the circle. The men addressed remarks directly at him and some of the other girls flirted with him openly and sent him on small errands. Garrick was at once overjoyed and appalled by these attentions, for he could not cope with the lightning exchange of banter that flickered around him and left him stammering and blushing. Then Garrick found how easy it really was. Have a dram, old chap? No, really. I don’ t, you knowNonsense, everybody does. Steward, bring my friend here a whisky. Really, no really I won’t. And of course Garrick did. It tasted foul and he spilt a little on Anna’s evening dress; while he wiped it up with his handkerchief she whispered a barbed reprimand and then laughed gaily at a joke from the moustached gentleman on her right. Garrick shrank miserably back in his chair and forced down the rest of the whisky. Then slowly
and exquisitely the glow came upon him, starting deep down inside him and spreading out warmly to the very tips of his fingers.

  Have another one, Mr Courtney? Yes, thanks. I’ll have the same again, but I think it’s my round He had the next drink. They were sitting in deck-chairs on the upper deck in the shelter of the superstructure, there was a moon and the night was warm Someone was talking about Chelmsford’s Zulu campaign.

  You’re wrong on that point, Garrick said clearly.

  There was a small silence.

  I beg your pardon! the speaker glanced at him with surprise. Garrick leaned forward easily in his chair and began talking. There was a stiffness at first but he made a witticism and two of the women laughed.

  Garrick’s voice strengthened. He gave a quick and deep-sighted resumi of the causes and effects of the war. One of the men asked a question.

  It was a sharp one but Garrick saw the essence of it and answered neatly. It was all very clear and he found the words without effort.

  YOU must have been there, one of the girls hazarded. My husband was at Rorke’s Drift, said Ann, quietly, looking at him as though he were a stranger. Lord Chelmsford has cited him for the award of the Victoria Cross. We are waiting to hear from London The party was silent again, but with new respect. I think it’s my round, Mr Courtney. Yours is whisky, isn’t it? Thank you. The dry musty taste of the whisky was less offensive this time; he sipped it thoughtfully and found that there was a faint sweetness in the dry.

  As they went down to their staterooms later that night Garrick put his arm around Anna’s waist.

  What fun you were tonight! she said. Only a reflection of your charm, my darling, I am your mirror. He kissed her cheek and she pulled away, but not violently. You’re a tease, Garry Courtney. Garrick slept on his back on the sofa with a smile on his face and no dreams, but in the morning his skin felt tight and dry and there was a small ache behind his eyes.